How to Act During your Divorce:
Understanding the
Do’s and Don’ts
During a divorce, how you conduct yourself matters. Positive and negative actions like respectful or disrespectful communication, responsible or irresponsible financial management can significantly impact the outcome. Outlined below you’ll find six of the most frequent do’s and don’ts we’ve learned during the countless cases we’ve helped clients win.
Social Media
DO: Sparingly post pictures of you and your child(ren). Always keep it clean and positive. Your soon-to-be Ex will try to use anything against you.
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DON’T: Do not delete everything. Do not post foolishly, rant, or use private messaging unwisely. Do not overshare or post about your divorce. All communication about your Ex in texts and messages should not belittle or harmful. Your Ex can subpoena this information and use it against you. (If you need to vent, do it over the phone call, but be careful who you vent to.)
Money
DO: Budget, save and open a separate bank account. Keep paying normal family bills. Gather all financial documents you can.
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DON’T: Spend frivolously, hide money, quit paying bills, raid accounts, lie about funds, give away or loan money. (This will also be used against you; your Ex may claim that you’re being unstable in the situation, making you look bad.)
Family
DO: Spend quality time with your kids and surround yourself with trusted loved ones. All talk around the child(ren) should be supportive and loving. (Do not badmouth your ex around the kids.)
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DON’T: Disparage other parents around kids or family. Do not confide in or put kids in the middle or flee the family home. (Unless you and the kids are unsafe there.)
Communication
DO: Pause before responding: assume all texts will be read in court. Know your conversations may be recorded. Always keep calm and in a nice/neutral tone, and disengage if things escalate.
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DON’T: Respond while angry, engage in drama, speak through your kids, or talk about your attorney-client conversations (this could waive your attorney-client privilege).
Relationships
DO: Keep a positive relationship with people you can trust and friendships. Avoid anything romantic.
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DON’T: Date or act single. Do not engage in intercourse with your spouse (could ruin grounds for divorce). Don’t tell others your evidence, and assume you can trust people with confidential info. Don’t believe that your spouse/co-parent is on your team.
Attitude
DO: Focus on the long-term and big picture, educate yourself, and maintain composure on calls. Exercise. Take care of your mind, body, and spirit, and keep kids in mind first.
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DON’T: Lose your cool. Don’t let this situation define you or allow shame/sorrow to override hope. Don’t focus on negative emotions.